Wednesday, July 24, 2013

  Kinda broke down in tears AFTER my Doctor's appointment yesterday...I wasn't super sad or discouraged or anything...just physically, emotionally and mentally COMPLETELY exhausted. <3 It WAS a good appointment...I just can't describe the emotional preparation that it takes to go to Doctor's appointments for me.  The apprehension and nervousness that comes can only be subdued by time on my knees before the Lord and the comfort of knowing that dear friends and family are praying for me.  Over the last 8 years I've heard more bad news than good news during Doctor's appointments...I've had Doctor's treat me like just another person to cross off their list versus an actual PATIENT desperately searching for answers...I've had Doctor's give up on me...tell me I should've already died...etc etc etc...  All that to say...going to the Doctor for quite the necessary part of my life right now...but it's sure not the easiest.  It really SHOULDN'T bother me...cuz I've got EXCELLENT Doctors on my side now...and I feel a little bit like a baby since it does...but I think all the memories from the last 8 years hit me right before walking into an appointment...any appointment.The texts I get from friends right before my appointment just merely saying, "PRAYING FOR YOU!"...comfort my heart so much. <3  My time with Jesus before is also always SO can be the difference of feeling completely and beautifully overwhelmed by HIS peace from spending time in His presence...or an intense fear of the unknown of what the Doctor's going to say because my heart ISN'T fully resting on His promises and His perfect, complete care and and protection over my life. <3

Anyways, it was overall a good appointment...some stuff encouraging...some stuff discouraging.  But I know God is giving my Doctor's wisdom and we are on the right track. :)  Just a journey...a's the fight God has me in right now. And He's gonna win! :)

This morning, I told Jesus that I really needed some encouragement for the day...especially to get my focus off of all the pain right now.  I was reading thru Jeremiah and came to this verse: "...Behold, like the clay in the Potter's hand, so are YOU in my hand." ~Jeremiah 18:6  I am SOOOOOO grateful to know that I am in HIS hands...which are so very loving and competent. <3  HE is fighting for me!  HE is EVERYTHING I need.  HIS strength is made perfect in my weakness.....<3  Because, it's not's not MY strength....totally feel like I have nothing left right now....nothing left to keep fighting...and yet, as soon as I get my eyes OFF of me, and ONTO HIM, focusing on HIS promises, claiming HIS Word, PRAYING BACK His Word to Him, focusing on TRUTH, focusing on the BEAUTIFUL fact that He has already WON this battle for me...that this burden is NOT mine to's's then that my spirit can soar!  Even if my physical body cannot.  It is then...that His presence is so real and so dear and so sweet.   HIS arms hug me when I need that gentle reassurance of His love, HIS strength carries me when I'm too weak to walk, HIS intercession continually intercedes for me when I don't know what to pray anymore, and His precious hands...His nail-scarred hands wipe the tears from my eyes. <3  The realness of Jesus never ceases to amaze me...the realness of HIS love in the lives of those around me and in my own life is so precious. SO precious.  I can't wait to behold Him someday in Heaven....but until then, may my life be a testimony to His REDEEMING love, grace, power and strength.  "Only a sinner saved by grace!" 

"Heaven came down and glory filled my soul, when at the CROSS the Savior made me WHOLE; my sins were washed away (PRAISE GOD), and my NIGHT was turned to DAY, Heaven came down and glory filled my soul." 

"Now I've a HOPE that will surely endure...after the passing of time...Shadows dispelling, with JOY I am telling, He made all the darkness depart!"

 Oh, Precious Friend!  <3 Whatever you're fighting today...keep your chin up, your eyes on His throne, your heart in His Word and your lips breathing prayers to Heaven! God is on your side!!! "...Behold, like the clay in the Potter's hand, so are YOU in My hand." ~Jeremiah 18:6 REST in knowing that YOU are in HIS very competent and loving hands tonight. ♥ He's got you and He's got the battle you are fighting. ♥ IN HIM the battle is *already* WON! Praise the Lord! 

He never promised it would be easy...but He promised He would be with us through the storm. <3 

Love Always,
Monica Nicole

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